From a very early age, we learn how important it is to please everybody else. If you do something that your teacher doesn’t like, you’re scolded and maybe told that you’re being bad. When you’re with your parents, the same kind of messages get through. You might get yelled at and told to stop “acting up”. So you learn how to feel guilty at an early age. It’s as if everybody is saying, “Don’t act in any ways that will make us unhappy.”

While I’m not suggesting that the adults who are responsible for raising children allow them to run free and wild, I’m only saying that this early message–”do what makes us happy, regardless of how it makes you feel”–never changes. You never learn that it’s okay to do things that make you happy.

Stop doing things you don’t want to do. Because that just makes you unhappy. When you’re unhappy, you can’t offer the best of who you are to your family, friends, and to the world (not to mention to yourself).

Give yourself permission to eliminate the things that you don’t want to do (like the things you only do because you’re expected to) if you’re resentful for doing them. Start saying NO so you can reduce the number of things you’ve said you would do but are now feeling overwhelmed because you have too much on your plate. You deserve better…and so do the people you’re doing things for.

The bottom line is, you are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness, only your own. And everyone else is responsible for their own happiness. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do things that might make other people happy, it just means you’re not obligated to. If you feel good about doing something that might make someone happy, than do it because you want to. But your own happiness should be your highest priority.

When you’re happy, life becomes less of a struggle. Because of this, you always know when you’re going in the right direction or making good choices because you’ll continue to feel happy. But when you feel bad, that’s your signal that you need to make some adjustments so that you’re feeling good again.

Best of all, when you choose to bring more happiness into your life, you’ll feel more passionate, motivated, peaceful, strong and hopeful than ever before. So make your life all about finding ways to be happy, and show others how to do it by your example. Now that sounds like the kind of life for me. How about you?

You’re Not Responsible for Their Happiness is a post from: Behavior and Motivation

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NOTE: While this article was written using a backdrop of finding a job you like, the essence of what you are about to read applies to finding a great relationship, and, actually, just about every aspect of life. So read it with that awareness.

If you ever hope to have a job you love, there are some fundamental things that you’re going to need to change about yourself before it can ever happen. Even if you manage to fool your way into an incredible job that you totally love, you will eventually find the job meeting you head-on and many of the elements you’ve hated about past jobs will come rushing in, ruining  the experience of the new job that you started thinking might be your “perfect” job.

The problem with so many of the things you don’t like about various jobs comes down to the thoughts and beliefs you have. Each belief is like a filter. When you start at a new job, your attention is overwhelmed with the newness of the job. Since you have high hopes that the job will match your desires (or at least your needs), you instantly pay attention to everything that is different and good with the new job. But once the newness wears off, you begin to take a closer look and evaluate everything through your belief filters (which, in this case, are a specific set of job-related biases). Then you start to notice how dirty the bathroom is, how the employees don’t clean up their messes in the break room, and you even begin to encounter the same type of back-stabbing, lazy, double-talking people you left at your last job, and the job before that, and the job before that…etc.

Filtering Out Good People And Good Circumstances

Whatever you look for, you will find. In fact, the better you get at looking for some aspect or quality in your working environment, the easier it is to find whatever you’re looking for because you’re honing this skill to the level of a refined art form. Again, it’s because those filters are in place. But the filters, themselves, are not bad. They are, in fact, completely neutral to you, your happiness, and how you choose to define them. If you create a filter called “back-stabbing people”, the “mind material” that the filter is made out of is just as capable of being labeled as “helpful-and-generous people”.

Here’s the mind-blowing thing about these particular awareness filters. They don’t filter out things, they filter them in! These are filters that attract the things you’re looking for and magnify them so they’re easier to recognize. Sometimes it can seem that these things find you without any effort on your end. So when you’re not even trying to meet any lazy people or dump-everything-on-you people at your new job, or any I’m-always-right people or this-job-doesn’t-pay-enough people, they just wind up right in your path. And the first thing you think is, “I’m trying to get away from people like this, but I guess every job has them.” And if you expect them to be everywhere, that filter makes sure you find them…everywhere!

Haven’t you ever noticed how your jobs and working circumstances seem to always match your expectations? If your inner dialogue uses words like, “I’m never going to find a decent-paying job!” or “No matter where I go, I always have to work with idiots!” you’re going find confirmation of your beliefs (known as confirmation bias) at every job due to your active filters because your filters are set and ready to notice things that match what you believe.

Changing How You “See” Things

Do you understand what all of this means? While it may seem like there’s no hope for you ever finding a job you actually like, the complete opposite is closer to the truth. And that’s really great for you!

As I stated before, the filters really don’t give a flip how you label and use them. They function without having an opinion about how you’re using them (the mind is crazy-powerful!). They also obey your dictates without resistance. Why is this good? Because having this awareness means you can create new filters and replace the old ones. And until you start replacing these filters of inclusion or attraction, what you experience at every new job won’t change, nor will the circumstances at your current job. So, to start with, let’s change how you “see” things.

Strategies for Improving Your Work Attitude

Interrupt Your Bad Mood:  When you’re having a bad day or just had a run-in with a co-worker or boss, or are just having trouble with a project or task and it puts you in a foul mood, the number-one most important thing you can do to begin to improve your job and work experience is to do whatever you have to do to stop feeling bad. When you’re feeling bad, you’re reinforcing the filters that are working to bring more of what you’re expecting…which isn’t good. Try a few of these for starters:

1. Recite the alphabet backward or count down from 100 — shout the letters or numbers loudly in your head.
2. Start making a shopping list or To-Do list in your head.
3. Mentally make a top-ten list of your all-time favorite funny movies.
4. See how many animals you can think of that start with the letter “A”, then move on to the letter “B”, etc.

Change your Language:  When you have a rough experience at work, don’t obsess over it for hours, replaying it and thinking the same negative thoughts and words about it, again and again. This causes a domino-effect which ripples out into all areas of your work place and life experience. If you’ve already distracted yourself (as in step one) and you’ve neutralized your anger and kept the bad mood from spiraling out of control, the next step is to begin to talk yourself into a better mood. Find the kindest words you can think of that will begin to improve how you feel. Once you find a thought that makes you feel better, it gets easier to find another and another. Here are some examples of this:

1. “While I think my boss is wrong, I understand that he may actually believe he is right. If I were in his shoes, I might have reacted the same way.”
2. “Every time we work on Saturdays, I get stuck with this task, but I know that I’m probably the best at doing it, so maybe that’s why I’m asked to do it every time. My boss may actually appreciate the way I do it.”
3. “Even though I get stressed out now and then, this job has some great perks, like I have a window which lets in the sun…which I really love. And I enjoy working with the people in my department. We like to make each other laugh a lot.”
4. “Sometimes I really don’t like this job, but I’m thankful that I am able to provide for my family with this job. I have good insurance and a 401k.”
5. “I really do like the flexibility I have with this job. I can take time off to be with my kids when I need to. Not every job is this flexible.”
6. “This job can be repetitive but it’s actually easy and I do it well. Because it’s repetitive, it gives me time to think and plan, which I really appreciate.”
7. “This job definitely sucks less than my last job, because at least I’m no longer working on 3rd shift. That means I get to see my family more often. I’m so thankful for that.”

Avoid “Pity Parties”:  People of like mind gather together. And when people are generally miserable about their jobs, then tend to complain (a lot!) when they find themselves huddled together with other like minds. Just listen the next time you walk into a small group of talking co-workers. If you find them complaining most of the time, don’t join in. If they’re talking about something more positive, stick around. Also, be cautious when you hear co-workers complaining about someone at work. There’s no way for you to know how accurate that information is or what filters the complaining co-worker is operating with. Form your own opinions about others (with an emphasis toward seeing the good in them).

Expect Something Better:  Before you can find something better, you have to expect something better. But this has to start with the job you already have, because no matter where you go to work, you take yourself (and your filters) with you. If you continue to “see” things the same old way, nothing will change. Set an intention before the work day begins that you will look for positive aspects about your current job, no matter what is going on or how much it displeases you. You’re not ignoring “what is” and pretending that “problems” or “challenges” don’t exist, you’re consciously choosing to focus on the best aspects of your job, rather than obsessing over the worst.

The more you become centered in the positive aspects all around you, the more you’ll come to expect more of the same. See (or find) the best in all conditions and people, regardless if they’re showing you their worst. Doing this will begin to create new filters and remove the old ones. A belief about yourself is like a filter through which every opportunity must pass. Only when you believe in yourself will the opportunities get through. And then you will begin to find more favorable work environments at your present job and all future ones.

The Right Attitude For Finding A Job You Actually Like is a post from: Behavior and Motivation

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When you are trying to make changes in your life, there are two core steps that are simple to understand but can be powerfully transformative. And those steps are:

1) Change the way you think.
2) Change the way you act.

No matter what books you read about self-improvement or what religious, spiritual, or mindful path you may follow, these are the two themes behind all mental and physical self-improvement. When I’m sharing ideas or strategies, everything circles back around to these two themes, and these are fundamental to your behavior and overall level of motivation. But there are also two sub-themes that I often return to in various forms. Those are:

1) Removing the resistance that blocks meaningful progress. (Which is a key to motivation.)
2) Happiness takes practice.

I know that life can be hard. Sometime you may feel like you don’t have the energy or the capacity to do these things; to observe the way you think and act, or to actively participate in removing obstacles or adopting habits of happiness. But even the smallest action or thought, if repeated consistently, will transform your life, at first in small ways and later in big ways.

My goal is to reduce all of this to simple strategies. It doesn’t take much to nudge your life in a better direction–just a little something to push you out of your rut or comfort zone. So here is a simple strategy to get you started:

You can begin to remove pain; you can begin to feel even just a little happier and feel like your life is moving forward again just by making a conscious choice to change something, no matter how small your effort is. Start by choosing one thought that doesn’t serve you in a positive way, and change it. Let that be a theme for your life until it solidifies. Replace your old and worn-out way of thinking with a new, healthier idea or belief. Keep that new idea, belief, or thought on your mind constantly. Live from the perspective of that new thought. Practice it until it’s a part of you. Act from the truth of your new idea and this momentum will carry you forward, slowly but definitely, and your life will begin to transform. Then you will have the capacity to be happy again. Now, repeat this process and keep building yourself up, one better belief at a time.

A Simple Way To Transform Your Life is a post from: Behavior and Motivation

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If you struggle to use your time more effectively and get more things done, it’s only because you practice the behaviors of unproductive people. Bad time management is a habit. So is good time management. Whether you’re trying to run your household more effectively, or manage a business with multiple projects and people, there is one key behavior that most highly-productive people have. And you can make this easy behavior a habit.

Getting Things Done

While this simple behavior may not have been invented by productivity guru, David Allen, its importance was clearly outlined in his classic book (and one of my personal favorites), Getting Things Done. It’s a very simple behavior. But don’t underestimate how valuable it is if you want to be more productive in all areas of your life. And what is this simple behavior? It’s the habit of choosing “next actions“. We often procrastinate on things we need to get done, yet we don’t have a clue why. When we feel resistance while thinking about an unfinished project, or even a task we have yet to begin, it’s usually because we’re not clear on what to do. In a very broad sense, we may have a crystal-clear sense of what needs to be done, but that’s not the same as knowing the exact and specific next action. Here are a couple of examples.

Fixing the Lawn Mower

The grass is getting longer and your partner is starting to ask you why you haven’t fixed the lawn mower yet, especially since you keep saying it’s “an easy fix.” So now it’s Saturday morning, you’ve got the whole day ahead of you and all you have to do is put in a new spark plug, and the lawn mower you bought off of your neighbor will be good as new.

You’ve replaced a spark plug before on another mower, and you can see on this mower where it goes. The fact that the old spark plug is missing is a dead giveaway. Why, then, can’t you get yourself to run up to the store and pick up a new spark plug? It would literally take 2 minutes to install, and that includes opening the package.

The reason you’re putting it off is because you’re not clear about the exact and specific next action you need to take. Therefore, you avoid even thinking about it. Right now, you’re probably reading this and saying, “What’s the big deal? The next action is to get off your lazy butt and buy a spark plug. It’s so easy a pre-history homo erectus could do it.” But, you would be wrong. Even though you know how to hook up a spark plug, you’ve got a problem if you don’t know squat about lawn mower engines and spark plugs. If you already had the right spark plug, it’d be no sweat. But you might want to do a little research first to make sure you buy the right spark plug and so you don’t blow up the lawn mower.

So how do you search for spark plugs for your mower? You’ll probably need to write down the mower’s model number, but after a quick check when you bought it, you didn’t see the model number anywhere. So you might need to get the engine model number or something. Maybe you could look online for the owner’s manual. Oh…wait, you don’t know the exact model of the mower, so what won’t work. You could also call your neighbor to see if he was able to find the owner’s manual or anything that tells the model of the mower. Then you’d have to find his phone number again. Although, your brother-in-law is good with engines, maybe you should call him? Let’s see, what time does he get off work?

Something as simple as installing a new spark plug requires buying the right one and you’re not clear about the best way to determine this.  There are many options swimming in your head and they’re all fuzzy. Without one clear and obvious choice available, you avoid even thinking about it altogether. But let’s look at something less complex.

Making an Appointment for Car Repairs

Your goal doesn’t have to be super complex in order for you to avoid taking action. For instance, let’s say you need to make an appointment to have some periodic maintenance done on your car. You have a note on your calendar to remind you to make the appointment and you see it every day. Yet, you still fail to make the appointment. What’s your next step? To call and make the appointment, right? Wrong. I know it seems that way, but that’s actually not the next, physical step you need to take. Which is why you keep putting it off. It seems so simple, but because you’ve misidentified your next action, you avoid it. Let’s look at one more example.

Planning the Picnic

Your boss asked you to be in charge of planning the company picnic. You’ve already handed out tasks to your team and your next meeting is coming up in a week. You’re going to plan the catering for the event. You’ve already decided to use the same catering company that you used for the last event. In two days, you’re meeting with the catering rep to go over the menu options you’ve selected. Only you haven’t selected them yet. The rep sent you a file to print out so all you have to do is check the boxes for the items you want for the event. But you’re procrastinating. What’s so hard about putting a check mark in several boxes? It would probably take 5 minutes to complete. So the next step is to print the menu options, or so it seems, but something is stopping you. So what’s the hold up?

There are times when a task seems very simplistic and should be a piece of cake to complete. But still, we procrastinate. The reason is because there is an obstacle or multiple obstacles you haven’t yet identified. If the task was as simple as printing a few sheets of paper, you’d probably wouldn’t be putting it off. So you’re going to need to identify the obstacles and address those first.

Real Next Actions

In the lawn mower example, it almost doesn’t matter which step you take next. You’re suffering from too many options. All you need to do is start moving forward by picking one action step (any one of them will do)…then pick another, and another. You can self-correct along the way. Stop, think, and act. You might approach it this way, “Well, I’ll start by double checking the mower to see if I can find a model number or information about the engine. If I don’t have any luck, I can always check in with my neighbor to see if he knows what kind of spark plug I need. So my next action is to look over the mower again.”

In the car repair example, it seems like the next step is to call the repair shop. But unless you have the phone number memorized, you’re going to have to look it up. So the next physical action you need to take is to look up the number to the repair shop, then you can call them and make your appointment. Something as simple as having to look up a phone number can be enough to delay making the appointment for days. And yes, I’m speaking from experience here. Sad but true. However, once you have the number, it becomes very easy to make the call.

In the picnic planning example, you need to print out the menu options. But first you need to find the file so you can print it. If you’re like most people, there’s no rhyme or reason to your email Inbox. You saved a copy of the file on your computer, but you can’t remember where you saved it. And you can’t search for the name because it had some kind of number or code for a file name–completely useless. So your next action might be to find a copy of the email so you can re-download the file, and that’s a problem. Your first few attempts to find the email have failed, you may have deleted it. So your real next action is either to call or email the caterer and ask them to resend the file or dig around in your email program and see where you are saving your downloads and look at the last few files you’ve downloaded.

Choosing Next Actions

If you want to be a more productive person in all areas of your life, the key behavior to practice is picking your next action step–literally, the next physical (or mental) action you need to take. Some projects might be highly complex and have many steps involved. Instead of thinking about the hundreds of steps required to complete the project, just think about the very next physical action step that you need to take. Be careful that you don’t misidentify your real next action. If you pick the right one, taking action is a simple matter. If you choose the wrong one, you’ll just go in circles.

This one key behavior–choosing your next action–is  so simple, but very overlooked when you’re trying to make progress on a goal or to complete a task. You’ll get more done if you start thinking in terms of next actions. When you make a To-do list, try adding your next action to each item on the list and see if you get more things done even faster. So go ahead…right now, think about something that you’re procrastinating on and pick your next action. Is it something you can get done now? If so, go do it and see how you feel. Make this key behavior a habit, and you’ll be more productive in no time at all.

For more information about next actions or being more organized and productive with your time, check out the best-seller, “Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity” by David Allen.

One Simple Habit To Help You Beat Procrastination is a post from: Behavior and Motivation

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No matter what character flaws you believe you have, improving them doesn’t have to be an overwhelming task. In fact, the more radical the change you are trying to make, the more important is to chip away at them a little at a time. It’s easier to adapt to small changes rather than big ones. Our worst behavioral traits are usually ingrained as lifelong habits that we developed when we were young and are now reinforced by the way we think and act on a daily basis. But there is a simple way to begin turning that around. Here’s the strategy:

First Comes Desire

Before you can change anything about yourself, you must have an honest desire to improve it. If you’re trying to change something about yourself that others want you to change, you’re not going to get very far. Your desire must be genuine and honest. It must come from deep inside yourself.  If you really want to change, then the behavior or thought process you want to change will be fueled by your desire and will generate it’s own motivation.

Next Comes Intention

When you’ve identified a rough spot in your life that you really want to improve, you’re going to want to set an intention. But in order for this to be effective, you’ll want to start your day off by setting this intention the moment your feet hit the floor. Literally, sit on the side of your bed and state your intention, aloud, if possible.

Intention Examples:

• “I will remain calm no matter what.”
• “I will do what is important to me.”
• “I will look for the positive in all things.”
• “I will live and act as my better [or higher] self.”
• “I will not raise my voice to my children.”
• “I will only eat healthy food today.”
• “I will not judge others.”
• “I will not drink alcohol today.”
• “I will eat only when I’m hungry.”
• “I will practice happiness.”
• “I will be on time.”
• “I am mindful.”
• “I will not lose my temper.”
• “I will stay focused.”
• “I will be organized.”
• “I will say ‘no’ to things I can’t or don’t want to do.”
• “I will keep my word.”

While sitting on your bed, be sure to sit up straight, lift your chin a little, and state your intention with confidence and deep conviction. This is a powerful and amazing process. And the ability to do this is inside you at all times, waiting for you to tap into it. So this is how to create a solid foundation for your Day of Intention.

Now Do It Again

So you’re off to a great start because you confidently affirmed your self-improvement intention for the day. Now, as you go through your day, pause frequently and either silently or aloud, reaffirm your intention. Each time you do, make sure you’re standing or sitting in an upright posture. Put your full attention on the words you are saying. Don’t just throw out the statement between a flurry of other activities. Make it count. Each time you repeat your intention, you are recommitting yourself to it. You are tapping into your desire and deep conviction once again.

Journaling and Final Intention (Optional)

If you are making a long-term commitment to one specific intention, you may want to include these two optional steps. First, start an intention journal. Every evening, after living a Day of Intention, spend a couple minutes writing down your thoughts regarding your day related to your intention. This will help you zero in on what worked and what didn’t. Next, at the very end of your day, sit on the edge of your bed and state one final intention. This time, it will be your intention for the next day. For instance, if your intention was “I will live and act as my better self”, you might state, “Tomorrow, I will live and act as my better self.”

Living a Day of Intention might be the most powerful way to change your life and it only takes 24 hours to begin seeing results. It might finally give you the leverage you need to turn the corner and begin to feel like things can get better. And if you ask me, that’s pretty exciting.

If you think living a Day of Intention could be life-changing, then please spread the news by sharing this article with the world. And also share your experiences of living your Day of Intention so others can be inspired by your effort. Best wishes!

Comments

• February 14, 2012, Amy writes: This article comes to me on a day I could really use it. Dealing with an extremely difficult customer, this day could've really gone off the rails - instead, it's my intention to have a good day and with this reminder, you bet I will.
• February 14, 2012, Scott Milford writes: Amy, I'm sorry that you had a difficult customer. I hope you ended up having a wonderful day. Intention is everything. :-) PS Hug your dogs for me and tell your hubby I said hi. :-)

A Day Of Intention: 24 Hours To A Better You is a post from: Behavior and Motivation

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Because thoughts shape behavior, communication skills shape how you interact with your partner. Authentic communication takes practice and more practice. But simply talking is not the same as communicating. True communication in a great marriage is a tw0-way conversation. Therefore, it takes practice from both people. However, you can only do your practicing and encourage your partner to do the same. It can be tricky when a partner doesn’t want to communicate, but that doesn’t mean the partner doesn’t want to solve the issue. It takes time, patience, and even great care to develop solid communication skills; it’s always a work in progress. But you can’t master something you’re not practicing, so how do you practice communication? The following five skills are essential for a happier marriage.

Communication Skills:

1) Feeling Love – The first step is to check in with your feelings. When I am…”communicating” with my wife and I’m feeling maybe a little frustrated, I keep one core thought in mind that guides everything I say: “I love her so deeply, that I would never want to say or do anything that would hurt her feelings.” If I’m aware of this, then why would I be so careless as to say things that would make her cry or get angry? Seriously, this is so incredibly important that everything else hinges on it. If you truly love your partner, then let love guide your words.

2) Listen…Really Listen! – If you want to get good at communicating your feelings and frustrations, then you better practice listening…I mean, really listening. This kind of listening is called active listening. Don’t pretend to listen to your partner while thinking about what you’re going to say next. If you aren’t listening, you aren’t going to know what your partner’s frustrations or concerns are. Seriously, if you love your partner and you want to have a long and happy marriage, you need to be practicing this constantly, even when you’re not discussing a difficult issue. This is a skill that pays dividends, not only during heated discussions, but during everyday life. It shows that you care enough to give your full attention to what your partner is saying. It shows that you truly value his or her input or concerns. It builds a stronger connection and reflects the respect you have for your partner. When your partner expresses a concern, carefully repeat it back to make sure you’ve heard it, then respond….slowly and thoughtfully…guided by love.

3) Never, Never, Never, (Never!!) Raise Your Voice – You may have been raised in an environment where this was how adults communicated, but it’s not going to fly if you want a long and happy marriage. If you feel yourself getting worked up and your voice begins to get louder, instantly start taking take deep breaths while actively listening to your partner. Before you speak, take a deep breath. Pause. Reflect on your deep love for your partner. Then reply, slowly and calmly. By speaking slowly, you’ll have more time to measure your reply and it will prevent you from saying the wrong thing and escalating the frustration you’re both feeling. Even if your partner can’t control his or her emotions and begins shouting, keep breathing deeply and slowly, and only answer calmly with love and respect. Do not respond to your partner’s emotion. Tell yourself that your partner is worked up and may not even realize that he or she is yelling, and let it go. Take it easy, take it slow, stay calm…and don’t raise your voice.

4) Send An Email –  Some issues can be really tough to talk about face to face. You might not be sure how to bring it up or you worry that it will make your partner feel uncomfortable and maybe unloved. Or maybe bringing it up will make you feel uncomfortable hearing yourself say the words. My wife and I got around this by sending each other emails, even though we were one room away from each other. Sometimes she would be in her office on her computer while I was in my office sitting at my computer. But we would still use email for some issues because it was better than talking directly. Sending an email would open up the channels of communication which would then lead to a face-to-face discussion later on when we were both feeling up to it.

I cannot recommend this method highly enough. In an email, you have more time to think through what you want to say. It’s far easier to mitigate your language and voice your concerns while offering your partner a safe way to be made aware of how you are feeling. Also, the fact that you won’t necessarily know when your partner reads the sensitive email so you won’t have to feel nervous about it. Be kind and loving in the way you address sensitive issues or concerns and put it all into a well thought-out email with the utmost care.

Never send an email when you’re frustrated, angry or emotional. When the issue is of the highest sensitivity or your mood isn’t stable, wait at least a few hours or even 24 hours before you send the email. That will give you one last chance to read it through and make adjustments. When you delay sending the email, you will be in a different frame of mind when you get back to it and the tweaks you make to the email are likely going to save you from hurting your partner’s feelings. Email is one of the best ways to break the ice, or get past a stalemate on a topic, or just to get the conversation started.

5) Observe And Learn – When you try to communicate and it works, pay close attention to what you did and how you did it so you can use the technique again. Likewise, when you try something that doesn’t work, make a mental note of that too, so you can make an adjustment before trying it again. Communication is a skill. You can learn from what you try and from what your partner tries. Notice when you really connect, no matter who initiates the communication. The whole point of practicing how to communicate is to connect on a deeper level; to bring you and your partner closer together, not further apart. And when your communication skills get better, you’ll notice your conversations getting less bumpy and lead to happier endings. And don’t we all want to live “happily ever after”?

5 Essential Communication Skills For A Happier Marriage is a post from: Behavior and Motivation

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Well, now is a great time to get a fresh start by trying this 30-Day Challenge. Thirty days from today, you could finally have your office cleaned up, or that space in your attic. Perhaps you’ll finally tame that monster hiding in your garage and have room to, once again, park your car. I feel like clutter is a type of psychic cancer, eating away at your creativity, your energy levels, your inspiration and totally draining your motivation even before it gets started. Well, it’s time to change that. It’s time to rediscover your inspiration, your creativity and your floor! Here’s how:

30-Day Challenge:
Declutter Your Life

 

Pick an area in your home that is badly in need of decluttering. More than likely, you instantly know where it is. Every day, for the next 30 days, spend 15 minutes sorting, moving, organizing, shredding, cleaning, packing, filing, throwing away, and completely clearing out all of the clutter from one room, nook, crawl space, storage area, garage, or room of choice. This may include drawers, boxes, trunks, storage containers, bags, shelves, and any place where there might be junk, clutter and piles of who-knows-what.

Setting a timer is very helpful so you can work without having to watch the clock. Also, having a very clear start and stop time every day will make the task seem more manageable.  If you choose to work more than 15 minutes on a given day, you’re free to do so. But regardless of how much time you work over, you’ll still need to spend your usual 15 minutes the next day. It’s only for 30 days and it’s only 15 minutes. You can do this!

If you only spend just 15 minute per day, you’ll be amazed at how much progress you can make in just a few days. But in 30 days, you can transform, brighten, and uplift a room or area that’s been wearing on your nerves. When people imagine their dream home, they typically imagine a home that’s neat, clean and organized. After this 30-Day Challenge, you’ll be on your way to more cheerful surroundings. Although, once you adopt this behavior, you may want to consider keeping it.

Let me know if you’re going to give this a try. I’m a few days into this particular challenge and I’m already feeling better about my space. I’d love to hear how you feel when your 30-Day Challenge is finished. Good luck!

Comments

• January 8, 2012, Peggy C writes: 4 days in - started on my computer area in the living room and hope to have the whole room done, with the "keeper" mail and records actually in their right folders in the file cabinet by the end of 30 days as well as what needs to be in storage until summer. Have been putting in 30 - 90 min each day. Realizing how much paperwork I have. Think I need an easier career!
• January 8, 2012, Scott Milford writes: Thanks for stopping by, Peggy. Sounds like you're off and rolling. An easier career? You could try to become a professional lottery winner. That might cut down on the paperwork. :-) Good luck with your 30-day challenge. I'm on day 8 for declutter in my office. I'm so please with the progress I've made so far. My problem isn't so much cleaning (though I do procrastinate on that). My problem is having the right system in place to stay organized. There needs to be a process for handling every little scrap of paper that I put in my office. I was using the GTD (Getting Things Done by David Allen) system and that was working well, but when I gutted my office to do some work on it, my system got totally interrupted and threw me back into chaos. However, I'm getting things under control now and should be back on track soon. In fact, I might get to the point where I finish sorting and getting organized before the end of the 30 days, in which case, I'll clean the walls and floor, blow out my computer, and other various things. Keep up the great work on your 30-day challenge. Cheers!
• January 30, 2012, Scott Milford writes: Today I finished day 30 of my own personal 30-Day Challenge to declutter my office. I never missed a day and the results were absolutely wonderful. My office is nearly empty, which is a good thing. Now I'm thinking about buying more furniture so I can take my office organization to the next level. I'm so glad I did this. I spent only 15 minutes per day. It's really the effort of trying this!
• February 11, 2012, vanessa writes: Thank you for this suggestion! I'm going to start this today. My boyfriend and I have WAAAAAAAYYYYYY too much stuff! Our apartment is filled with boxes (still around from moving 4 months ago) and every surface is covered with stuff! The stress it causes me is immense. I feel like I am a slave to all this stuff! To get it all cleaned up and cleared out is going to require his participation as well (a lot of it belongs to him). I'm going to tell him about this 15 minute technique and hopefully get him on board! Thanks again!
• February 11, 2012, Scott Milford writes: Vanessa, I think it's great that you're going to try this. My results were amazing. It's so simple to just spend 10 or 15 minutes a day chipping away at the clutter. Not to mention how much better you'll begin to feel right away. I hope you'll come back here and leave an update when you've finished your 30 days. Best of luck to you both! :-)

30-Day Challenge: Declutter Your Life is a post from: Behavior and Motivation

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Happiness Set Point

As with graphs that chart trends, your happiness set point sometimes trends upward, trends downward, or may stay mostly the same over time.

We all face challenging lives. Sometimes we’re in a good mood, other times, we’re not feeling so cheery. But somewhere between your wonderful highs and your depressing lows, you’ll find your average level of happiness or happiness set point. In spite of all the highs and lows of life, your happiness set point tends to stay relatively stable. But that doesn’t mean you’re happy on average. It only represents your average mood, or how happy you tend to be, overall. So if you don’t feel very happy most of the time, your happiness set point might be lower.

The happiness set point is like a groove. You’ve practiced it so much that it’s easy to fall back into it no matter how high or how low your mood goes. The good news is that your happiness set point can be raised over time, by making a conscious effort to spend more time doing things that cause your happiness to go up and stay there longer. Want to raise your happiness set point? Try out these simple strategies:

Strategies for Improving Your Happiness Set Point

• Make a list of activities that you really enjoy doing…that make you happy while you’re doing them. Make another list of activities you’re interested in trying in the future. Schedule these activities regularly.
• Socialize Often. We tend to focus far too much on the stresses of life. When you spend time with friends, it’s easy to get your mind free of those stressors which means you’ll spend more time being happy because you’re not as bogged down by your own negative thinking.
• Volunteer. Doing something meaningful while helping other people is powerful and uplifting. It enhances lives and make you (and other people) happier.
• Get more sleep. There is almost nothing in life that won’t improve if you get enough sleep every night. In fact, getting enough sleep helps you to mentally and physically reset, and helps your body to properly regulate the feel-good chemicals which helps to make you happier.
• Avoid Doing Unpleasant things. We may have to do some things we don’t enjoy, but not all of them. Stop doing what makes you unhappy.

You might want to track your happiness for a while by rating your overall happiness (on a scale from 1 to 10) on a daily basis. Try out some of these ideas and see if you notice an improvement. You might enjoy sharing this with a friend and tracking your progress together, but be sure you’re fully rested first.

 _________________

FYI: Happiness Set Point is a post from: Behavior and Motivation

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